A clandestine undertaking on behalf of Israel, the Jets and the Jews.

 
Judaism and Tragedy

Four months ago, I posted to lament the ridiculous miracle books claiming that the 9/11 disaster was somehow mitigated by a large number of miracles. I wrote, in part, that "I view all the miracle stories as indicative of a great deal of immaturity among some observant Jews. The idea being sent seems to be that God protected certain people because of their piety. We are supposed to believe that scores of people arrived late to work because of an old man who delayed morning services, or that a woman locked herself out of her house and called her husband home from work, where most of his colleagues perished."

A post by Robert J. Avrech about his experience at a Camp Simcha retreat for parents who have lost a child further illustrates this point.

Mr. Avrech writes that at a group session, one man who lost a child repeated the phrase "Gam zu L'tova." - "This too is ultimately for the good." Mr. Avrech, fuming, responded about his son Ariel's passing: "Ariel suffered horribly for years and years. There was nothing good about that. Ariel wanted to live. He fought every inch of the way. He did not give up; he did not surrender. He wanted to live. He did not want to die. So there is no way you can convince me that his death, or the death of any of our children is ultimately for the good. The death of these good and holy children is horrible. I resent what you are saying. It's an insult to me, and also an insult to my son!"

I don't think Mr. Avrech's anger was really directed at the man who lost a child. Rather, it likely came from a build up of fury directed at all those who told him that Ariel is now in a "better place", that it was all part of "G-d's plan", and that "this too is ultimately for the good."

I remember once attending the funeral of a 41 year old mother of three children. Several speakers stated that it was a great miracle that this woman lived nearly 18 months after being diagnosed with cancer. After all, her doctors had expected her only to live a year.

After the 9/11 disaster, a friend of mine assured me that those who were murdered on that day were now in a much better place. In fact, he even assured me that they would refuse to come back to earth if given the chance, since they were in the Garden of Eden. "What about their families?", I asked him. "Don't they need them here?" He acknowledged that this was a "problem" but continued to assure me that in the end, Hashem only acts for the good and that there was no need to be so depressed.

I doubt that these kinds of well-meaning but extremely insensitive statements are made only by observant Jews. I assume that a lot of people from all faiths and a lot of people who are secular, not knowing what to say and perhaps wanting to comfort themselves, recite silly cliches about tragic events and to those in mourning.

What bothers me, however, is that Judaism recognizes that not everything is for the good. While Nachum Ish Gam Zu's concept of "gam zu l'tovah" may be an ideal and a way to avoid despair, we are in fact required to mourn both personal tragedies and national tragedies. We don't claim that the destruction of the First Temple and Second Temple were really good; instead we have fast days to remember the destruction of the Temples and of Jerusalem. Even as we celebrate our liberation from Egypt, we eat bitter herbs on Pesach in memory of our slavery there. With respect to the national tragedies, we don't equivocate and pretend that a miracle actually occurred in our favor. For some reason many of us do engage in such equivocation with respect to personal tragedies - especially when it is someone else's personal tragedy. We should know better than that.
posted on 12/02/2004