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Chananya Weissman On Orthodoxy's Treatment Of BTs

I generally find Chananya Weissman's rants against some of the stupid rituals among observant Jews - particularly those related to dating - to be refreshing and on target. Usually Weissman's arguments articulated on behalf of End The Madness - the organization he set up to combat the nonsense associated with dating in some sectors of Orthodoxy - are based on common sense that is somehow lost when it comes to dating rituals.

Weissman goes overboard - way overboard - however, in a front/back page piece in this week's Jewish Press.

The main premise of the column is that those who are baal teshuva, which in the vernacular refers to people who are observant but were not raised in an observant family, are treated as inferior among the Orthodox.

To the extent this argument refers specifically to the shidduch scene, in which people are set up on blind dates, BTs indeed are too often (though certainly not always) deemed to be on a lower scale and accordingly are set up with lower quality counterparts of the opposite gender. Indeed, as I wrote to a BT friend a few days ago in lauding him for reverting to his erstwhile practice of asking girls out directly, "If you rely on married members of a black-hat community to set you up, you will be shortchanged because you are BT and aren't wealthy."

The mistreatment of BTs within the shidduch system is, however, one aspect of the problem of that crazy system; there are a myriad of other problems in the shidduch system that Weissman can articulate much better than me. Is it indicative of much more widespread discrimination of BTs within Orthodoxy? Weissman thinks so. He writes:

"The ba'al teshuva is to be contrasted with the Frum From Birth ("FFB"), the latter being a far more desirable species of Jew... While ba'alei teshuva are lauded for their return to an observant lifestyle, and even admired for the challenges they must overcome, they never manage to shake the stigma of not being Frum From Birth. This stigma is even transferred to children and the extended family, as if it is a genetic defect of spiritual proportions... The definition of ba'al teshuva as one who was previously less observant and the resulting lower status of those saddled with the term is one of only a few things the myriad splinters of observant Jewry (particularly FFB's) agree upon."

Weissman does not know what he is talking about. We can agree that the shidduch system is messed up. Among the serious problems within it is treatment of BTs. But thankfully, there is a real world outside the shidduch system. I have work colleagues who are BT, friends who are BT, friends who were raised frum who married someone who is BT, relatives who married someone who is BT, and relatives who are BT. In 2005, I don't think most people really care who was raised frum and who wasn't, and don't bother keeping track. Weissman's charge that BTs are given a lifetime "stigma" is just not true.

As just one example, has anyone ever insinuated that leading blogger and publisher Gil Student of Hirhurim is less worthy of respect because he is BT? If anything, the vast knowledge Gil has obtained despite not being frum from birth is something that is deserving of admiration.

Most single observant Jews above their mid-20's who were raised observant would not mind marrying someone who is BT. If the shidduch system discriminates against BTs, blame the shidduch system and try to change or replace it, as Weissman is. But don't falsely malign all of the Orthodox as bigoted idiots.
posted on 4/13/2005