The Zionist Conspiracy

A clandestine undertaking on behalf of Israel, the Jets and the Jews.

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Thursday, December 13, 2007
Exclusive Interview With Suzyn Waldman

Following the release of the Mitchell Report, The Zionist Conspiracy conducted an interview with Yankees broadcaster Suzyn Waldman.

TZC: Suzyn, how are you today?

SW: Please call me Ms. Waldman.

TZC: Sorry. Hope you had a Happy Chanukah, by the way.

SW: Thanks, and a very Merry Christmas to you.

TZC: How do you feel about the Yankees' off-season thus far?

SW: Wonderful! Alex Rodriguez is coming back! A-Rod is in Hank Steinbrenner's box! Oh my goodness gracious, of all the dramatic things -- of all the dramatic things I've ever seen, A-Rod is standing right in Hank Steinbrenner's box!

TZC: Suzyn, er, Ms. Waldman, any thoughts on the news that Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite have been implicated in the Mitchell Report?

SW: This is rough. I was OK actually 'til I stopped over at Andy's -- and his kids are sitting in the living room with Koby, Kory and Kacy and they were watching this on ESPN. The tears you hear in my voice are coming down the faces of Kacy and Koby.

TZC: I am so sorry to hear that.

SW: Kody doesn't even know that.... They don't know how they will tell Kody.

TZC: How about Koby?

SW: I already said that Koby was in Andy's living room. He's getting ready for another great season.

TZC: Right, sorry. Ms. Waldman, have you been in touch with Joe Torre?

SW: I have been through so much with Joe. I was at Dodgers Stadium when he was introduced as the Dodgers' new manager.

TZC: Really. Tell us about that.

SW: You're going to have to bear with me here, you know me, I cry at Cinderella, and I couldn't believe what was going on there. What Joe Torre was saying at the podium ... Joe Torre is at the podium, and um, the first thing he said was that we wanted to congratulate Joe Girardi on getting the Yankees job ... That's just Joe.

TZC: Are you in touch with Derek Jeter during the offseason?

SW: Derek is amazing. I followed him around while he was clubbing last weekend. Amazing. You can see why he's the captain.

TZC: Do you think the Yankees should agree to trade Ian Kennedy and Phil Hughes as part of a package for Johan Santana?

SW: It was so emotional being with Joba, Phil and Ian on Tuesday. Everybody knows there's going to be a lot of changes here, and people are absolutely saying goodbye to each other. And it's a very very tough place to be right now.

TZC: Thank you for the time. Have a good evening.

SW: Thank you. Oh my goodness gracious, of all the bad weather -- of all the bad weather I've ever seen, this is even worse than the earthquake. I have never been more frightened.

TZC: Wow. Please be careful and post a comment to let us know that you're home safely.

SW: Okay, though it will be very late. I'm meeting John Sterling for dinner and then going over to Jason Giambi's to celebrate with him and Jeremy.

TZC: Sounds great. Give the Giambis our best wishes for the holidays.