The Zionist Conspiracy

A clandestine undertaking on behalf of Israel, the Jets and the Jews.

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Monday, December 31, 2007
FFL Shakeup: Elster Fired; Analytics Guru Quits MoC, Heads To Jetropolitans

NEW YORK, December 31 - The Jetropolitans today announced the firing of Elster, their former General Manager, and his replacement with league champion MoC's former head of analytics.

After his two subpar seasons at the helm, the Jetropolitans' jettisoning of Elster was hardly a surprise. But their hiring of Analytics Guru, who had been expected to take on a larger role for MoC, stunned observers, who now question the future viability of MoC's franchise.

In a press conference to introduce him as MoC's team president, Analytics Guru shocked reporters when he announced that "I resign as AG of MoC." He did refer to MoC as his "mentor" and expressed "my deep appreciation for the opportunities he has given me. I consider him a very close friend."

Analytics Guru had served as an assistant to MoC since MoC was assigned to due diligence as a junior associate in a New York law firm in 1983.

MoC questioned Analytics Guru's mental health, and then stated that his team is hard at work preparing for the 2008 draft. Asked about facing the Jetropolitans, MoC responded, "They are a very tough team. Brett Favre is a great quarterback. Steven Jackson is going to come back strong. Steve Smith is a guy who can beat you by himself. We're going to have to play very well to win."