The Zionist Conspiracy

A clandestine undertaking on behalf of Israel, the Jets and the Jews.

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Thursday, February 12, 2009
Bringing Them Back: Israelis, Jets and Rangers Accept My Advice

After the 2002 season, the Jets idiotically allowed Laveranues Coles to leave, refusing to match the contract offer by the Redskins.

When the Redskins and Coles had a falling out after the 2004 season, I called on the Jets to Bring Back Laveranues. About a week later, the deal was done.

In 1999, after three years in which terror was drastically reduced, Israelis foolishly replaced Binyamin Netanyahu with Ehud Barak. Since then, I have been clamoring for Netanyahu's return. Most likely, the result of Tuesday's election will be Israelis bringing back Netanyahu as their prime minister.

As soon as Sean Avery got into trouble for his "sloppy seconds" comments, I called on the Rangers to Bring Back Avery. With the mediocre Rangers then in first place as a result of shootout wins, ex-blogger Elster ridiculed me, but Avery is now playing for the Rangers' minor league affiliate, and if all goes well, could be back at MSG in a couple of weeks.

Alas, the Mets remain stubborn, refusing my years of calls to Bring Back Bobby Valentine. Even if Jerry Manuel fails this season, I fear that the Wilpon's fiscal woes will likely prevent Bobby V's return to Queens. Worse, Valentine could, G-d forbid, end up in the Bronx if Joe Girardi (Joe Girardi?) flops again this season, as we all hope and expect.